There are a limited number of people, locally or otherwise, who actually enjoy going to meetings – but to everyone else they’re simply a part of the job. A part which is totally understandable, and obviously necessary.
But for some reason meetings in Malta seem to have that unique island flair we always seem to add to everything, and here’s how to recognise it:
1. You’ll get a text cancelling the meeting when you’re already on the way
Probably a previous meeting ‘ran on for much longer than expected’ or the company had a crisis ‘u nqala xeba xogħol‘.
2. Or you’ll have to send the dreaded “Sorry, stuck in traffic” text
Try as you might, there’s no predicting the traffic situation on Maltese roads. You’re either gonna be two hours early, or late. There’s no in between.
3. You’ll give a pitch to a client whose eyes will never leave their phone
Boy am I glad I spent three days working on this presentation! Sellili!
4. You’ll reel with horror as you realise you dated a relative of the client
If you were lucky enough to not have dated the client themselves! #MaltaŻgħira
5. You’ll endure the silence of judgement as they scour your business card
Design, printing, role, email address – they’ll scan every detail and find out half of what they think they need to know in a heartbeat (that seems to last a lifetime).
6. They’ll forget to offer you a drink
It’s fine, it’s only 35 degrees outside! Who needs water?
7. And the coffee will taste terrible
I’m one sip in – only 562 left to finish the cup.
8. Or it’ll taste so good you consider asking them what brand they use
Seriously though, you need this stuff back at your office!
9. There will be an issue with the projector and the introverted IT guy will lumber in
And you’ll try to catch his eye and nod in thanks, but he’ll never look back up at you.
10. And everyone in the room will pretend they didn’t see the awkward search suggestion on the client’s laptop
“It’s a pop-up!!”
11. You’ll have to endure the awkward opening conversation about the weather
“Sħana barra hux!”
12. And the awkward closing conversation about the weather
“Nispera mgħadhiex daqsekk sħana barra“
13. And above all you’ll learn ways to avoid the sweaty handshake
Be it a smooth wipe-n-present or an exaggerated ‘yikes I’m holding too many things to shake your hand’ nod, you’ll learn to avoid the sweaty palmed encounters you’re bound to have.